Hello!
It's been a week since I've wrote anything and here I am, back for a rant or a ride on the emotional rollercoaster haha
Wasn't really okay for almost weeks then one thing happened, it really pushed my buttons. I don't blame others on how I feel but how could I let myself be treated that way? That screams SELF SABOTAGE!
Tipu lah kalau aku tak menangis. Aku menangis macam gila kot! Tapi aku menangis tu sebab sakit hati kenapa aku terima ja. I'm not desperate for love. I'm not desperate for anything at all cuma rasa sunyi tu kot yang menyebabkan aku untuk grasp apa ja yang dekat dengan aku.
Hidup ni sunyi tau tak? You're the only one that can make yourself feel better. Despite being lonely, you're the only one that can turn that loneliness into serenity.
Bila sunyi ni mula nak mencari companionship.
I think I'm very unlucky in love. I kept looking for it at the wrong places. All the guys I got to know, they're alright but I mean I could've really just followed my gut feeling and avoided them BUT like I said, self sabotage happens when you don't really care about yourself.
You don't always get what you want in life.
The thing that I want right now is to pour love and be loved! Maybe God wants me to be better for my significant other. Hopefully I can make myself better for my future SO. Nak dia dapat the best version of me after everything that I've went through.
Aku ok; emotional stability. Ada la hari where I cry my lungs out but ya la, bukannya setiap hari. Aku nak meluah kat sapa lagi. I don't have anyone to rely on emotionally. Nak hire therapist? I don't have the time to commit to their schedule JUST YET.
Did I tell you that I'm slowly going on hiatus for my social media accounts? Apparently having too much screen time does make me feel very emotional. Reduced it bit by bit and so far, no problems / constantly reaching out to tweet (I uninstalled twitter (for now)). Once everything is okay, tiada lagi rasa self sabotage, akan ku kembali.
For now,
sayonara.
