Mayhem Friday

 Ello!

I decided to do this a daily thing so I won't go insane (just kidding..)(unless..) so here's a recap on what happened today.

Soo of course I had a shitty day before, live wasn't doing well for me, my mood was like a rollercoaster sat happy sat sedih sat cranky sat lapaq (THIS ISNT A JOKE) but I woke up feeling optimistic. Things took a turn..

Aku buat live pukul 7.30 PAGI hang tau dak?? Viewers punya ramai kat Shopee tu tapi sorang pun takmau beli dekat dalam live aku. Ada la orang beli but it's not like what I expected. Bukannya aku letak harapan setinggi Gunung Everest pun tapi entah la. Takdak rezeki kot. Mood kelaut dah pepagi..

Waktu tengah breakfast tu, colleagues tanya open order dak untuk durian Musang King sebab abang aku jual tapi aku bukak order untuk orang Jitra ja. Tanya kakak, she said that my brother in law is still in Raub and will be in the same area as mine la. ETA bulan 8 nuh bawak dari Jitra BUT rezeki, dapat same day jugak.

As we're waiting for durian and for the day to finish, my live sessions went well. It was quiet at first but as I kept on talking (santai gila, sumpah serupa sembang dengan kawan), many viewers came in and stayed. Sales padu jugak for account yang ngl, agak sendu.

Sepatutnya abang ipaq aku deliver direct kat office tapi jem pulak area Bangi Lama tu so I had to naik motor pi jauh sikit.. aku tak berani sebenaqnya but got the courage to do so demi durian!!

Musang King has a bit of a bitter aftertaste but for the durian my BIL sold us, only a few pieces that had a slight aftertaste of bitterness. Most of it tasted like custard, lemak lemak manis gitchew.

Overall kan.. aku rasa hidup ni penuh dengan ironi. Hang sangkakan hari tu kalau bermula dengan benda yang hang tak suka, mesti hang rasa hari tu jadi hari yang malang but God has His ways.. tetiba it's going to be the reason why you're smiling again in the same day.

Tu ja la kot. Good night :)

It's Me Again

 Hi there.

It feels so good to be here again. I've honestly forgotten how it feels like typing on a keyboard for this purpose. It's always been on screens, not physically.

Been years since I've left.. How are you, small Wanis? I've re-read everything you wrote and I wish I could've given you the hug that you've been longing for.. Don't you worry anymore because we're getting this going even though the roads are a bit rocky.

At this age, I really do need a companion. It's a lonely journey indeed.. despite having loved ones, they all have their life. I'm no one to bother them especially when the feelings that I feel keeps getting stronger everyday.

Overthinking kills but that's not the thing that's bothering me.. I'm always too hard on myself even when I've reached the goal that I've set myself. Need to work on this as it's bothering my personal and work life. I hate that feeling. It's intoxicating.

I do wish I had someone to talk about my day.. I wanna hear about their day too, All the good and bad tapi.. mungkin Tuhan takdirkan aku untuk tak bertemu dengan sesiapa lagi because He knows I'm going to be at the worst point of my life again; losing someone that I've loved deeply.

It's fine.

Totally fine.

Ironic how I felt like I need to cry tonight and I didnt but then as I'm writing, tears start to fall from my face.

You're a force I can't reject

And I'm trying to escape

- Hello and Goodbye

Oof. This is hurting my eyes.

Hopefully this will be the place where I can rant anything that I need in the day. To many more starts. Muah.