It's been longggggggg

 Hi there.

It's been a couple of weeks since I've written the last post. I'm back, partially sane.

Life has been good. Last month kan everything felt like shit tau tak? My emotions weren't stable, I kept being hard on myself then my sales were goddamn slow despite I tried every single trick in the book TAPI.

Tapi, hujung bulan tu everything went smoothly. From 35 to 77 within a week then my mood became stable again because I had to control myself sebab ye la, sapa lagi nak tolong aku kalau bukan diri sendiri ye dak?

As a token of appreciation, I really splurged myself with gifts because I just want myself to be happy... selalunya aku akan cuba bagi orang happy dulu baru aku BUT it's not that right now. Kena penting diri. Bukannya narsistik tapi kena pentingkan diri sendiri supaya tak drain diri hang..

Oh! btw i went on a day trip to Singapore just a few days ago. Super tiring because we commuted from Bangi - TBS then Larkin THEN Singapore. I thought Singapore was small but apparently, it's like Penang. Just more on the expensive side la. Upon arriving, i bought myself 3 perfumes, Jean Paul Gaultier's La Belle, Viktor & Rolf's Flowerbomb & Armaf's Odyssey Limoni. Murah weh. I got La Belle for $114, Flowerbomb for $104 and Limono for $35 ja???? I was looking for Mugler's Alien Goddess tapi tak jumpa. Sedap nak mampus bau dia macam teh o ais tapi teh o ais yang ada perisa vanilla tu! Macam teh o ais thailand, malangnya ada kat Sephora ja & 100ml costs around RM800!!!! Baik aku buat perfume sendiri la bauan teh o ais + vanilla. Ugh.

Waktu balik tu macam hesitant sikit nak balik naik bas rapid tu sebab nak kena berhimpit dengan orang. Taknak. Aku nak bercuti. Bukan nak seksa diri, bukan nak pi kerja. Aku nak keselesaan so we decided to take the bus from the Golden Mile Tower to TBS. Didn't regret it!

That's all i guess from me la. Harapnya lepasni banyak lagi trip yang boleh pi. Moga dipanjangkan usia dan diberi kesempatan oleh-Nya.

Hopefully August will be good for me or us! Moga semuanya berjalan lancar dan enak enak sahaja ya. Sangat memenatkan when you're hard on yourself.. please be good. Love yourself ya <3 :)

Reflection.

 Hi there.

It's been a week since I've wrote anything. I'm doing okay so far.

I did something today. I finally let my feelings out and it was honestly very fulfilling despite it doesn't reciprocate. I learned how to let go of something that I can't have.. I'm not forcing anything to happen and it's amazing. I really do hope the person that I've expressed to gets to be happy at all times especially with their significant other.

After doing so.. reflections happened. If I didn't tell them how I feel, we would still be friends.. if I didn't agree to go out from the start, we would still be mutuals BUT if I kept quiet about my feelings for them, I would hurt myself for the long run. I needed to be selfish especially when it comes to love.

All of this happened because of a song; Garasi - Hilang. The last time I heard this was in 2020. The song is about enough of waiting for something that's hopeless.

Dimanakah cinta sejati

Yang memberikan ketenangan hati

Sampai kapan ku harus menanti

Kau pergi dan mungkin takkan kembali

Dan aku menangis dan aku terluka bila

Engkau menghilang

- Garasi - Hilang

Aku tak pasti kenapa.. aku dah putus harapan kot dalam cari cinta. It sounds cringey but that's the truth. Tuhan suruh aku hidup sorang ja kot kat dunia. If that's the case, aku redha. Aku redha. Aku pasrah.

That's all for now. Goodbye :)